Please Watch your Step, Doors are Closing. [Learning to BE]

This time--I didn't want to make an announcement. 

I didn't want to be pulled back into the place I love so very much.

I didn't want to answer the "why now's" and be sitting face-to-face with the many

"there's nothing to do in Indiana's". 

I didn't want to even hear from the people back home who are constantly trying to find their way out of their home

without first doing something. 

Yesterday I was faced with the tears of a friend, homegirl and co-worship leader who asked "Did God tell you to stay yet"? 

I wish I could say "YES, He came down just to speak with me during worship and told me not to go anywhere daughter"

I wished I could say I changed my mind because yet again, I was persuaded by the city lights, and friends, genuine support, church family, music and fast-driving people of Philadelphia. 

I can't.

I will not--not this time.

In 2016 I left Philly for the first time only because the people around me who were the most important were leaving. I figured my stay here was at its exodus and I would follow suit. 

I was commissioned by a prayer I still hold dearly in my voice memos to be a person with influence in Indiana. 

Many hands gathered around me To be so much more--but I wasn't ready so I turned back around.

I should have #stayedincretebro (Jada and Bishop will get that reference) :) 

While at home many things fell apart. Though I never portrayed that on social media, I remember filtering happy pictures in black and white. It was the only way I could express my sense of uncomfortableness.

I was forcing and forging myself to be okay with my decision.

So, I ran—Like I always do.

And Philly still had more for me.

More smiles.

More events.

More amazing people to learn and grow from. 

Even an amazing man who really showed me what it feels like to patiently endure.

I never said running was bad. God can still honor your lack of patience.

Grace.

Before leaving indiana, One of the most important relationships began to fall apart because instead of listening to my heart and my God, I decided to listen to the many voices around me. I'll tell you now that if you keep asking for opinions that in the grand scheme or reality don't matter--it will breed confusion. That confusion led to @nomadicnovi (who was for real a dope person--haha) who worked with The Philadelphia Project and back to Starbucks--then substitute teaching--then now. 

Who moved another four times in the span of 18 months. 

Who was basically doing too much.

per usual.

My grandma has always told me that I needed to sit down—just for a moment. 

That I was too talented to be living this way. 

I'm always moving.

Mentally.

Emotionally.

Fiscally. 

and in positions.

I don't seem to know how to stop for a moment, assess who and where I am and make the proper adjustments.

This movement has caused a fleeting spirit within me.

One that wars with wanderlust and security,

singleness & relationships,

commitment and my version of "freedom",

to be here or there.

So, now I’ve hit restart.  

It’s okay to begin again.

Last night I was sitting with two friends and one said that I should make this announcement because I may be missing out on my blessings: Whether they come in the form of prayers, blessings, goodbyes, cash-app's or meetups, I would miss it. 

So, I'm getting out of the belly of the whale. 

I'm no longer walking around the wilderness.

I'm enjoying my manna (& my mamma's)

My milk and honey (Hey Namarah).

In whatever form or STATE it comes.

Because wherever I am--God is there within me.

Psalm 46:5 God is within her, she will not fail. 

So, don't ask me "Why" Indiana (i'll write that in another blog for another day).

Just congratulate me for learning to BE.

And recognizing that I have never needed a state or a certain group of people to validate me.

I was born validated. 

I was born ready to take over the world--to take over small communities and impact it with a shift in culture.

I was born to release life and break generational curses.

That's me. & you.

I guess I'll encourage you to always do what feels right, because you won't know until you go. and most days you can't go with your own timeline.

God's time is so much more expansive.

So much more abundant.

So much more...

Delightfully learning to BE,

Sanovia